Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
