so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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