Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
