i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
