ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
