Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
