i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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