Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize