you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
