She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
