I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
