we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize