Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
