I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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