forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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