you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
