Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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