i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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