It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
