if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
