Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
