it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
