That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize