My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
