It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
