Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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