Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
