So drunk its hurt
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We left an ass print on the piano.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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