I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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