two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
