How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
