I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It was like giving head to a cactus.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
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