In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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