so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
