guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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