Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
