I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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