You don't have asthma, your pregnant
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
