i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
