Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
