I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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