Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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