Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Randomize
