I wanna bring you to show and tell
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize