just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
