i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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