I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You're a disaster
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