I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
