He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
