I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
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