How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
