i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
false alarm, still single
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
