Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
