My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
