look no pants
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he laminated a picture of his dick.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
