So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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