my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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