whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
