last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
