"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize