just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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