So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
