dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
