HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
