I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Your tits are I can't wait for
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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