I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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