just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
