What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
