a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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