Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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