You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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