We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
