there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Damn victory sex feels great
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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