ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
