Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
