She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize