Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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